You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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