Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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