very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
