Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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