dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
