It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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