I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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