you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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