we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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