Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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