Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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