So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
soo... how was my night?
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