Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
