A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
