we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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