Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
