i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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