So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
