Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
