I am in a vortex of obligation.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
