well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
