In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
