fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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