hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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