we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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