i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
