Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
