I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
