Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
