Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
