I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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