I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
