Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
