I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
