The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Alive.
So much puke
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
