u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I look better un-naked...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
