whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
