she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
