she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
