i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
