im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
