I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We need to get me chipped asap
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
