look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
