How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
