fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
