actually, I'm a sock model
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
