I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
