Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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