She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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