I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
