Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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